Saturday, October 30, 2010

Trunk or Tail?

A few years ago, a friend of mine came back from Thailand with a very important question.

If you could have either a trunk (like an elephant's trunk) or a tail (like a monkey's tail), which would you choose?

We debated about this for weeks.  I was firmly in the "trunk" camp, and after seeing an elephant trunk up close this week, I'm even more convinced that having a trunk would be AWESOME.

Let me tell you why:

  • More muscles in the elephant trunk than in the entire human body.
  • Showering -- you could control the water pressure AND the height of the showerhead, two things that constantly annoy me in showers
  • Vacuuming made easy
  • Drinking made easy
  • Throwing people across the room made easy.  No more need to learn tricks like putting your car keys through your fingers or poking attackers in the eye.  Trunks are powerful, yo.
  • Reaching things up high
  • Some people argue that when it comes to kissing/love life, a trunk would only get in the way.  But I say it could also make things more interesting.  In any case, there are at least as many advantages as disadvantages in this area.
  • It's like having an extra hand.
  • I have never seen a tail on any animal as cool as a trunk on an elephant.
  • Trunks can do everything tails can do PLUS snort things up inside.
I mean, just look at these trunks.  Trunk all the way, baby.


Marlise said...

Where are you? Sounds fun! :)

Anonymous said...

i'm sold. but i would like to be able to hang from trees, and i don't think a trunk really facilitates that.

Allison said...

M: South Africa!

A: Here's the thing, though -- I don't weigh as much as an elephant, so I think my trunk might even work to hang from trees ...

Gilly said...

You make an excellent case for trunks. And really, ever since I watched the Wizard of Oz and the lion didn't seem to have absolute control over his tail, I have been pretty skeptical of the whole tail business. You know how much it hurts when you fall on your tail bone - what if your whole tail was that sensitive. Also, I believe your tail would always be getting stepped on, or stuck in elevator doors, and would completely ruin all your pants outfits. Trunk all the way baby.